I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
