I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
