We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
