You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Randomize
