forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
