if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
