i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
