I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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