To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I've blown a few things in my day
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
