I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
