I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
