Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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