New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
