nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I smell like Dick and happiness
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
