this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
