Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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