What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Randomize
