I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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