I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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