Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
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