rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
