Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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