Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
