we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
