Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
