Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
