seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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