I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
