So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
