Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
