she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
