My friends, they love my intelligence
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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