Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
