Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
