your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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