So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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