just tell him i said nine months
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Randomize
