he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I would ride that face into the sunset
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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