i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
