The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
