Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
