i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
