so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
