Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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