Whod you bang
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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