y did u give ur computer a hand job?
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
