State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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