every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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