we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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