...so i touched it.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
