I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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