someone threw a dead crab at me
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
