Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
